When you have a…

When you have a favorite person they can do no wrong. When you hate someone, they can do nothing right.



Does False Rape Accusations Equal Defamation Lawsuit?

There is zero responsibility taken by females who have wrongfully accused men of raping them. Why is that? Has not been a crime committed by the female? Rape is not right. No woman deserves it just as no man deserves to be wrongfully accused of rape after having consensual sex.
The football player who was recently exonerated has sparked my interest yet again. I have always dated guys at least 4 years older than me. I have always wondered about the guys I dated as a teenager being charged with statutory rape just for being interested in me. I never lied about my age and never tried to trick any grown man into believing anything false about me. The guilt would be unbearable and I felt karma would do a number on me.

I am thinking about this again as the young men at Morehouse College are accused of the very serious crime of rape by a female who was drinking underage and doesn’t really remember what exactly happened. I am very uncomfortable with her being able to point her finger at someone, the college campus police then taking those statements to the accused, arrest him and hold him for weeks before he makes bail. One of the young men have withdrawn from college as a senior, devastated by these false accusations and shaken to his core. This female knows that something sexual happened but that is what happens when you become drunk around strangers. I am not excusing any inappropriate behavior from any male in the company of drunken females but in the day in age where rappers “brag” about dropping Molly in drinks and having wild sexual escapades, girls need to be more responsible for their own safety to prevent themselves from being in this young lady’s position.

The lawyer of one of the young men said he would take the high road and not trash the victim to defend his client. But he is sure that after the results of the rape kit comes back, his client will be cleared. So my question is, once he is cleared (if he is cleared) what recompense can he pursue from his accuser? This whole ordeal has definitely muddied his name and tainted his image. Can he sue this girl for defamation? If not, WHY THE HELL NOT?

Essential Questions to ask on your Childcare Facility Tour

Pose the Right Questions

After working in a child care facility for a few months, I see there are many questions parents don’t know to ask while on a tour. Whether you are signing you child up for preschool or after-school care, there are specific questions parents should ask to get a good idea of how the facility is being run. 

The link above gives a great example of the questions that go unanswered until it is too late. This parent assumed the childcare facility had liability insurance but it didn’t. According to Georgia’s Bright from the Start rules, it is not required but there must be a notice in public view to alert parents. Make sure you ask the director directly if the center is covered by liability insurance. 

Ask about feeding and snack times, rest times, medicine administering policies. Ask if you can bring your child can bring his or her own meals if you have any picky eaters. Don’t rely on a menu calendar to tell you what food will be served. Food menus change daily. Ask when does the child care facility determine when it is appropriate for the child to move to the next class up. Ask about age appropriateness of the toys and activities in each classroom.

How often do they serve raw fruits and vegetables?
is your child allowed to bring his or her own food?
If your child becomes tired, will they be able to rest?
How often is water given to the child out the day? (Especially during the summer)
How much are the teachers being paid?
Ask to speak with the teacher alone.
Ask the teacher if she feels that she feels she getting properly compensated for her job.

It is amazing that different facilities cost different prices but the pay doesn’t vary much in what is being paid to the teachers. It is up to the parents to challenge the centers on what they pay the people who actually interact with their children all day.

It is also important to know what is in the curriculum. Ask to see what the curriculum for the year will cover.
I will add more to the list soon.

Let a Dog Roam…

Everyone is on a quest to find and experience a happy relationship. It seems that many people in relationships have made peace with never being happy themselves but have taken the position that their job is to make the other person happy. But I’d like to know: How can you make someone happy if you, yourself are miserable? If you are in a relationship where it is all about what the other person wants, how can you feel valued and in turn, value the other person? 

Just observing the few people I know has made me look at my expectations for a relationship in a new way. It seems as if there are some ground rules some people are operating under that doom them from ever being truly happy in their relationship.

1. The ability to be themselves. When entering a relationship, you may change some of your ways in order to be tolerable to your mate. Do you find yourself abiding by certain unsaid rules for the sake of getting along in the relationship? Having to always be available?

3. Always sacrificing your own fun or plans for the sake of the other person’s?

4. Being responsible for the other person’s happiness? 

Possessiveness is a tricky little trait that seems to be the catalyst for major problems in many relationships. Actually possessiveness looks different depending on the age of the relationship.Remember C.A.P.when thinking of the different faces of possessive behavior. In the beginning, it seems that the behavior is CUTE. and shows that someone really has interest in you. The fact that they always want you around is another way they express they love you and care for you. Not allowing you to go and be with your friends is sweet because they would rather cuddle. This may make someone feel needed and special. It is not possessive. This behavior is cute.
After a while it becomes ANNOYING. You can’t seem to get away from the person even if you go to the bathroom. Every aspect of your life seems to be tainted and there are no boundaries for the behavior. There seems to be a sense of entitlement to you as they infringe on everything from going through your phone to coming into the bathroom while you attempt to take a relaxing bath or even take a crap! They have googly eyes while you try to keep your food down. When they hug you, you somehow feel used, dirty or maybe even angry. When they call you, the last thing you want to do is answer. You feel you are on the edge of hating them then something happens to make you run screaming in the opposite direction which brings you to the third phase: PSYCHO.
Possessiveness turns psycho when you have expressed how negatively their “affection” makes you feel. You start to to see the craziness of possessive behavior when you hear the ridiculous “reasons” why they do what they do or they attempt to turn on you and make you feel bad for feeling bad. At this point, usually, you are trying to get away from the possessive person and they will not let you go on with your life. When you don’t accept this behavior as cute anymore, things change. They pop up in public places, stalk you online or in person. They show up to your job and attempt to make you look bad in front of your colleagues, trash your car, steal your mail, harass your family and friends, leave sticky notes all over screen door, post embarrassing stuff on your wall on Facebook and more.

Remember C.A.P. to identify where you are on the possessive scale.

Possessive people must know that you must give the one you love room to be them. Fear of them cheating, dealing abandonment issues or just having low self-esteem can be your real problem. Turning all your attention on someone and making them be your cure is more dangerous than dealing each of these issues head on. It is dangerous to put someone else in charge of your happiness. Never give someone else control over how you feel on any given day. Get a hobby, learn a new language or write in a journal instead of harassing someone who is moving on with their life. Remember: Let a dog roam and he will come back home… But if you keep him in the house, he’ll try to find a way to get out… and never return.

Calling the Kettle Black

As I sit and watch television and listen to talk radio, I hear black folks talk about members of our community who take us backward as a people. They speak of dope dealers, sagging pants or gold teeth as all part of the culture that we need to focus on obliterating in order to move forward. It seems that the black cause fights the essence of blackness all in the name of progression. How does pulling up pants or extracting gold teeth going to help us go anywhere and do anything? The older members of the black community call radio stations every day with solutions to improve the black condition ranging from the ridiculous and retarded to possible and feasible. “We need to take out dollars out of the white banks and support only black banks” or “We need to have classes on how to talk to white folks so we are not looked at as inferior” are among the “solutions” offered. Our seniors fail to realize that our assimilation to the American culture is a part of our problem.

The most popular go-to solution is to “get an education”. I absolutely hate this statement as it misrepresents what getting “educated” does to the “blackness” of a person. Educational institutions are designed to steal your imagination and encourage a certain way of skewed thinking. Your papers are graded in attempts to guide your mind away from your own original thoughts, solutions or representation of the world around you. The institutions deal passive-aggressively with the only race who were brought here under very different circumstances than all other immigrants.

I do agree that we, as a people, need education but I disagree with the method we have adopted. We need to be educated on the positive, uplifting truth about ourselves and accomplishments of black folks not just the same old depressing slave tales. We should not aim to be successful monetarily, but mentally and spiritually free from rejection and oppression. Free from self-hate, free from the crabs-in-a-barrel mentality, free to love and not fear each other, free to correct each other, free to live in neighborhoods with a high black population without the high crime rate. How can we learn these things in an institution that benefits from pushing historical black inferiority into the psyche of the precious, tender black minds of those trying to better themselves? How can we expect this educational system, who rejected integration for years, to teach us anything worth knowing about how to thrive (not just survive) their system? Their educational system teaches blacks to mentally submit to be enslaved and work in the fields (of “study”) of the modern day plantations.

We must take responsibility to teach our children to support, love and protect each other. If we are our own enemy, we will never reach the promise land. If the best elders the elders can do is hand us over to the system that has taken them for all they are worth, how can they expect their “get-an-education” solution to take any magical effect? There so many things that the elders in the black community don’t share with young people because of their own personal shame. The things some older blacks had to endure to survive angers them but they turn that anger on the black youth like it is their fault. Yes, we should be in a better place but I think that responsibility lies with black leadership (who is usually ancient themselves and part of the problem by fighting all the wrong battles). There is more finger pointing and condemning the black youth than encouraging and educating. These are angry elders who have done nothing their whole life but sit back with their hands out, working their fingers to the bone for almost nothing for years, hoping to squeak by one more year, all the while praising God for the minimum.

These are the people who have achieved nothing personally but somehow they feel they have all the answers for what black folks need to do to move forward. If you haven’t been a shining example of how something has worked for you keep your mouth shut when it comes time to condemn the black youth. If you have “made it” ask yourself, “What have I done to make sure someone else has this knowledge or opportunity?” If you are not a part of the solution, you are part of the problem. It has nothing to do with wearing slippers in public, visible tattoos or nose piercings. If any of you non-productive black elders have a problem with someone just because of how they look, you may be the blacker pot calling the kettle black.