Black Manhood at the Expense of Black Womanhood?

After experiencing a few different relationships, I have begun to see a disturbing pattern. Black men are mad and they all respond in different ways to a black woman who has a small clue about themselves. Many call themselves conquering a woman, makin her his own personal pet or plaything all in the sorry attempt at achieving the elusive concept of “black manhood”. I’m so tired of defending black men just to be kicked down when I don’t bow to the traditional concept of womanhood. If I don’t pick up after my man, cook everything he wants or sex him up (or down) all these reasons can be used to disqualify me for being a good woman. No matter if I work just as many (or more) hours as my man, I will still be expected to clean up, be a patient, loving, energetic culinary genius. I will need to make sure the children are fed, bathed, finished with homework and get their nightly bedtime story.

I don’t have a problem doing any of these things but it is pretty unfair when a man is around and feel he is only obligated to take out the trash or cut the grass. It annoys me to no end when men puff their chest out and stuff their thumbs snugly in their armpits in triumph when they do anything. The expectations of our black men are so low we literally applaud every little thing they do because we are grateful for their presence.
Anyone else putting more on the black man’s plate is looked at as a challenge or even a hinderance. The stress of existing is just as hard for the black woman but we don’t have time to feel sorry for ourselves. We keep moving because we can’t stand still. Too many people are depending on us…including our men.

Why does it seem like the black man has to cut the woman down in order to feel like a man? Why can’t black men lift up and support black women? Why the jealousy, hate and disdain? Are we not on your side? I have found that many have SERIOUS Momma issues. They weren’t well taken care of as children and carry lots of anger about having to be a “man” too early. Many are controlling, neurotic, pessimistic individuals who look at every woman as being equal to their mothers. The mothers have seemed to have things in common as well. They were addicted to something whether it be drugs, alcohol, men or an unhealthy combination of any. The powerlessness never went away and has calcified into rancid resentment rendering them emotionally unavailable therefore unable to feel (or fill) the need of the black woman who has dealt with just as much.

Bottom line: Real black men can love a real black woman without being weak. Kindness is not weakness. A real black man will support his woman with actions, words, prayer and encouragement in any and all forms. The success of the black family depend on men upholding their woman not above himself but atleast at the level he would a friend. Black manhood should not be tied up in how powerless they feel in comparison to how men in any other culture behave. Real men can allow themselves to be vulnerable with the woman who will love, support, coddle and protect him if only he would be man enough to do it for her first and allow her to reciprocate.


At Least I was There… Letter from a Black Father (No.1)

I know you didn’t get all the toys you wanted growing up as a kid

As all the other kids in your class did,

 But at least I was there. 

Not everyday but sometimes, when I left early from my 9-5, and when you were on spring break and the summertime.

There are some kids who never see,

The man from they came as a seed,

In a way, you are lucky to know my name, to see the man from whom you came,

So you don’t have to live in shame ( and so you can shout out to your daddy when you get fortune and fame).

Every time we share time together we may not  do what you want but at least I was there.          I tried to show you that I care although the times we spent were rare. At least I was there.

I didn’t come to discuss the affair (which led to the end of the family)…that wasn’t fair. 

I expect you to respect me  even if you feel abandoned, excluded, banished, neglected and rejected on a daily basis,

You can not say I wasn’t there.

Ask some of your friends to see if I’m fibbing,

Some of your friends’dads don’t know how they are doing or if they are living.

You seem me about five times a year, you’re lucky kid



that is five times more than I did…
I’m probably wasn’t the first
To suffer this fatherless curse
Now, I’m trying to reverse
This thing
Before it gets worse.

Why Black Leadership Continue to Fail Black People Part 1

In the wake of the George Zimmerman case and Paula Deen comments, it has been utterly frustrating to see black leadership become conflicted about which issue to address. As you know by now unless you have been hiding under a rock, Paula Deen has revealed some racist attitudes toward people of color and even used the n-word. They have finally chosen a jury for the George Zimmerman case which turned out to be a group of females. Many people don’t know what the Florida justice system is attempting to pull by selecting this particular to decide the fate of a man who RACIALLY profiled, hunted and shot a brown boy in his own neighborhood.
From what I understand, the Rainbow Push Coalition has decided to go to Savannah go address the Paula Deen gaff but have not visited Florida to let the community know black folks are serious about getting justice in this obvious hate crime. The fact that Florida needed media attention before they would even charge Zimmerman let’s me know the Martin family will need support during the trial.

Why is it that in 2013, when we hear a white person say the n-word it takes priority over a hate crime (which also involved the n-word) that resulted in a senseless death? The people in charge not having the basic ability to determine what is worth fighting for is the problem in our community. I am curious to know what questions they ask themselves before taking action for a “cause”. It seems as if they are more focused on being accepted and being respected by Caucasians than obtaining and enforcing laws to ensure safety in black skin. What happened to Travon has happened prior to, during, and after the existence of the civil rights movement. What has black leadership done to ensure this STOPS happening to our youth? Instead of defending the youth against violence, Al Sharpton has a very public (and stupid on so many levels) funeral for the n-word. How many times has the n-word been used since the funeral? So the real question is what difference did that make? None.

In order to become effective in fighting for the rights of people of color, black leadership should ask themselves something like:

What are the most negative things happening in the black community?
Who can we speak with to determine how to stop this from occurring?
What are the side shows occurring in current events to draw our attention away from important causes? (We must acknowledge them to make sure we steer clear of that issue.)
How can our presence be used to show unity and therefore reinforce seriousness about our intent in getting our goals met?

And so on and so forth…

Bottom line: Black leadership gets no respect because they are followers and not leaders. Until they have an agenda with goals they are attempting to reach in the absence of scandal and current events, black leadership will always miss the mark because they are too busy chasing the ambulance away from the real issues.

Settling vs. Accepting the Reality of Choices

Settling vs. Accepting the Reality of Choices.

Settling vs. Accepting the Reality of Choices

Recently while discussing relationships with a friend, we both agreed it was hard to differentiate between settling and understanding what the options are in the dating pool. Many single women are encouraged to lower their standards in order to qualify men on a more realistic scale of eligibility.  But at which point do you go from being realistic to settling? Is it really healthy to compromise? Many couples married for long periods of time have sited their ability to compromise as the secret to their longevity. I’ve also heard many older women say that it is the woman who makes the relationship work. Her ability to “forgive and love a man in spite of himself” sounds like slight settling to me. I’m not sure where the line is but I know when I stop feeling the love and have to constantly accept “apologies”, a red flag goes up in my mind.

When you are doing all the “feeling” in the relationship and the other person is indifferent to your future together, it feels like settling. When there are unspoken expectations and severe consequences when they aren’t met, that is another red flag. But is the red flag a sign of settling or not understanding the imperfect nature of people? People, please help us determine which is which…thank you!

White Supremacy or Low Black Self-Esteem?

After listening to people talk about black problems again and many different remedies were offered yet again. I had people suggest black folks keep all the money in the community and work together to pool money. There are many black businesses around but after listening to the complaints, I began to identify what one of the biggest issues on the “black agenda”. White supremacy has been blamed for the plight of black folks in America. Without any white people calling in to oppress any black folks but white folks were the focus of the plight of black folks in 2013.

The inferiority complex black folks have is more of an issue than a race suppressing another. The fact that many people of color have taken great steps an better themselves have created a rift between those who have and those who haven’t. There have been quite a few things left out of our history so we can see the value in ourselves. In the information age, can we really blame the schools for not having African American studies as the reason we know nothing about our history? We can go and look it up just like we look up gossip on celebrities or info on how to apply eyeshadow.

We have many things to be proud of and we don’t have to hate anyone in order to love ourselves. The key is to build up oneself to achieve instead of focusing on the negative and bereave.