Recently while discussing relationships with a friend, we both agreed it was hard to differentiate between settling and understanding what the options are in the dating pool. Many single women are encouraged to lower their standards in order to qualify men on a more realistic scale of eligibility. But at which point do you go from being realistic to settling? Is it really healthy to compromise? Many couples married for long periods of time have sited their ability to compromise as the secret to their longevity. I’ve also heard many older women say that it is the woman who makes the relationship work. Her ability to “forgive and love a man in spite of himself” sounds like slight settling to me. I’m not sure where the line is but I know when I stop feeling the love and have to constantly accept “apologies”, a red flag goes up in my mind.
When you are doing all the “feeling” in the relationship and the other person is indifferent to your future together, it feels like settling. When there are unspoken expectations and severe consequences when they aren’t met, that is another red flag. But is the red flag a sign of settling or not understanding the imperfect nature of people? People, please help us determine which is which…thank you!