After experiencing a few different relationships, I have begun to see a disturbing pattern. Black men are mad and they all respond in different ways to a black woman who has a small clue about themselves. Many call themselves conquering a woman, makin her his own personal pet or plaything all in the sorry attempt at achieving the elusive concept of “black manhood”. I’m so tired of defending black men just to be kicked down when I don’t bow to the traditional concept of womanhood. If I don’t pick up after my man, cook everything he wants or sex him up (or down) all these reasons can be used to disqualify me for being a good woman. No matter if I work just as many (or more) hours as my man, I will still be expected to clean up, be a patient, loving, energetic culinary genius. I will need to make sure the children are fed, bathed, finished with homework and get their nightly bedtime story.
I don’t have a problem doing any of these things but it is pretty unfair when a man is around and feel he is only obligated to take out the trash or cut the grass. It annoys me to no end when men puff their chest out and stuff their thumbs snugly in their armpits in triumph when they do anything. The expectations of our black men are so low we literally applaud every little thing they do because we are grateful for their presence.
Anyone else putting more on the black man’s plate is looked at as a challenge or even a hinderance. The stress of existing is just as hard for the black woman but we don’t have time to feel sorry for ourselves. We keep moving because we can’t stand still. Too many people are depending on us…including our men.
Why does it seem like the black man has to cut the woman down in order to feel like a man? Why can’t black men lift up and support black women? Why the jealousy, hate and disdain? Are we not on your side? I have found that many have SERIOUS Momma issues. They weren’t well taken care of as children and carry lots of anger about having to be a “man” too early. Many are controlling, neurotic, pessimistic individuals who look at every woman as being equal to their mothers. The mothers have seemed to have things in common as well. They were addicted to something whether it be drugs, alcohol, men or an unhealthy combination of any. The powerlessness never went away and has calcified into rancid resentment rendering them emotionally unavailable therefore unable to feel (or fill) the need of the black woman who has dealt with just as much.
Bottom line: Real black men can love a real black woman without being weak. Kindness is not weakness. A real black man will support his woman with actions, words, prayer and encouragement in any and all forms. The success of the black family depend on men upholding their woman not above himself but atleast at the level he would a friend. Black manhood should not be tied up in how powerless they feel in comparison to how men in any other culture behave. Real men can allow themselves to be vulnerable with the woman who will love, support, coddle and protect him if only he would be man enough to do it for her first and allow her to reciprocate.
Sayuri Smith Says... 